I’m not sure I’ll ever understand women. When they act all interested in you, it turns out they aren’t interested at all. When they keep you at a distance, it turns out they are interested. They treat you like you’re the most important person in the universe then tell you they don’t want to be anything more than friends. It boggles my mind.
Recently, I met a woman who really stressed me out, to the point where I think she took a couple years off my life. It all started with a mutual friend telling me details of this chick’s life, and Heaven help me, I began to feel like I should meet her. We knew each other for about two weeks, and in that time, she caused so much upheaval in my life that I nicknamed her The Crimson Destroyer.
Every experience you have in life can teach you something, if you let it, and my brush with The Crimson Destroyer is no different. Here are a few of the lessons I learned from this ordeal:
- Beware of women who tell you one thing and tell their other acquaintances something else. – The Crimson Destroyer and I had a very long discussion about being careful as we approached our relationship, and taking things slow. I thought we were on the same page. Not so. She was telling our mutual friend that she intended to try to push the relationship along at a brisker pace. She also said that she was going to train me to be the kind of boyfriend she wanted me to be, to sand off my rougher edges, if you will. I don’t know why she couldn’t be cool or at least tell me what she wanted instead of telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. But I sure never felt like she was being honest with me.
- Beware of anyone who recently got out of a relationship. – I think it’s a very good idea to know who you are before you get into a relationship. Problem is, people who are just coming out of relationships seem to define themselves by their relationship status. When they lose that part of their identity, they freak out and get in a rush to replace it. They may sell themselves short or they may just freak the frak out of their prospective partner. They may push too hard or try too hard. The lesson here is to know who you are before you start dating someone. That way, if the relationship goes pear-shaped, it doesn’t destroy your identity in the process.
- Don’t let yourself be pushed around. – The Crimson Destroyer wanted us to do what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it. I tried several times to set things up, and she came up with excuses why she wasn’t available, even though I’d found out later that she was available. She just wanted to go when it was convenient for her. There has to be a certain amount of massaging your schedule when you’re dating someone, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a say in how things go down.
- Don’t let him/her change you. – I believe Marilyn Monroe once said something like “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as Hell don’t deserve me at my best”. So why is it that so many people try to change their prospective significant others? The Crimson Destroyer was already pushing me to go back to church within two hours of meeting me. It got worse. She revealed to our mutual friend that she was going to get me to give up my movies and music. You may say those are trivial things, but for me, they’re part of who I am, and I can’t just kick ’em to the curb. I expect to change naturally through the course of a relationship as I learn things I didn’t know about myself. But I’m through trying to turn myself inside out just so a girl will find me date-worthy. If I ain’t good enough as I am, then leave me the Hell alone.
I also wouldn’t recommend dating someone who gabs to your friends on a regular basis. Especially if your prospect isn’t being 100% up front with you. It causes a sh*tload of stress for the person caught in the middle.
None of this stuff is very mush of a revelation, but it helps for me to get it out. I see it in writing and I understand a little better. And as for The Crimson Destroyer, I really hope she finds who she’s looking for. I’m just totally relieved that person wasn’t me.