Mayhap you’ve stumbled across this blog and find yourself wondering “Who the Hell is this pretentious fat bastard?” Mayhap you fell through an internet wormhole, and it spat you out here. Mayhap you typed “mayhap” into Google and were directed here. You may require some data that will help you understand the entity that runs this blog. Who is Fatty Thrashbrowns? Well, the (not so) enlightening answers to these (not so) enlightening questions may help.
Why do you blog?
Because they won’t let me hang out in city parks wearing a fedora, a trenchcoat, and nothing else. Plus, it helps keep up the writing chops.
So… You’re a writer…
I’d like to think so. I’m also a bit delusional. And for two days last week, I thought I was a purple-haired fairy that could turn grasshoppers into blueberry muffins.
What do you write about?
Lately? Not much. Writer’s block can be a bitch.
How do you busy yourself when you’re not writing?
The usual things, you know. Bowl. Drive around. The occasional White Castle flashback… Plus I play a lotta guitar and watch a lotta cartoons.
Does this help keep your creative fire stoked?
No, but sometimes you just HAVE to know what happens in the next episode of Super Hero Squad.
You mentioned play guitar? What kind of music?
If Weezer’s tour bus crashed into Joe Bonamassa’s tour bus and then Iron Maiden’s jet crashed into the resulting wreck, it’d sound like how I play guitar. Not their musical styles blended together, but the crunching metallic din.
What do you do for a living?
Seriously, what do you do for a living?
I just told you.
Okay, then. Do you have an endgame for what you want to accomplish as a writer?
Endgame? Huh. Good Megadeth record.
Tell me about your political ideologies.
Not much to tell. I think the problem with politics is politicians. How can you have an effective government when the only thing the officials participating in said government care about is preserving their jobs? Democrat, Republican, Conservative, or Liberal. They’re all the same.
What about gun control?
I’m more worried about moron control.
Switching gears a bit, what was the last movie you saw?
It was a home movie of my 17-year-old nephew getting smacked in the nads with the handle of a garden rake. No real artistic merit and the acting was a little over the top, but it sure as Hell was entertaining!
What’s your definition of a good movie?
Apart from nutshots? I think Howard Hawks said a good movie is three good scenes and bad scenes. That’s a pretty damn good metric.
Who the Hell is Howard Hawks?
(Pause accompanied by an unnervingly angry glare) You’re a cinematic idiot and I feel sorry for you.
Last question: What do you look for in a woman?
A pulse. Yeah, a pulse is good. A willingness to dress up as various female pop culture icons. Sometimes even male pop culture icons. Nothing’s hotter than a pretty woman dressed up as Marvin the Martian. Did I say that out loud?…