(Or 5 Reasons Why I Gotta Get the Hell Offa Facebook)
I remember a phone call I had with a dear old friend one day a couple of years back. He asked me if I was on Facebook, to which I replied “What the frak is that?” I decided to do a little research and the next time this buddy asked asked if I was on Facebook, I said “Hells no, and I never will be!” But after a couple months worth of nagging, my strength wore down, my resistance eroded, and I gave in and joined.
Cut to present day, and I have something I need to share. Hello. My name’s Fatty and I’m a Facebook addict.
It’s kinda ridiculous and more than a little pathetic. I wake up and one of the first things I do is check Facebook. I leave and go to check other sites, but ten minutes later I’m checking Facebook again. If I’m not doing that, I’m on Facebook for hours on end playing Bejeweled or something stupid like that. I could be outside, getting fresh air and trying to improve my health. I could be playing on my guitar, writing music, which is something I dearly love but don’t do nearly enough. I could be cleaning or reading or writing or doing a myriad of things I’d be better off doing. But I’m not. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, worrying that I may have missed something in the past twenty seconds, and waiting to see if something I posted gets a response. I absolutely loathe myself for that.
A couple months back, I tried to curb my Facebook habit and failed miserably. I just couldn’t keep myself from looking at it every five minutes. Maybe I didn’t have a good reason to succeed (the reason I gave myself was that I wanted to see what I could accomplish if I wasn’t on FB all the time). Well, I’m about to try it again, and this time I have five damn good reasons to succeed. And those reasons are as follows:
- In just the past three days, I’ve made a comment that sounded way nastier than I intended (damn you, computer screen inability to convey sarcasm!) and got pissed about a comment someone made that wasn’t intended to anger me. It’s so easy to get worked up when you’re shrouded in the anonymity of cyberspace. Nobody can see how pissed off you are. It’s also easier to slam people on the net, because you don’t have to fear retribution. I mean, if you slam someone on your thread and they try to slam you back, you can always just delete their comment. But I have a habit of getting angry at what folks say. And then I get even more angry because I’m letting someone else’s stupid comments affect my mood. You get the picture. It has to stop.
- Facebook has been described as a black hole for time, as in it sucks it away and you never see it again. I don’t look at it like that because black holes actually stop time. For me, FB speeds time up and and makes it magically disappear. I can start playing Bejeweled, look at the clock what seems like an instant later, and three hours will have passed. I’m always wishing I had more time to play with, so by that logic, I need to try to cut back anything that makes time disappear.
- You ever post something that you think is awesome, or hilarious, or witty, and then get hit with a wave of anxiety about how your FB friends are gonna react? Yeah, I do that all the time, and then I can’t bring myself to go do something else because I’m so concerned about whether or not people are gonna think I’m as funny or awesome as I think I am. It’s pathetic and it needs to end.
- I’m getting very used to the idea of stalking chicks I am now or used to be interested in romantically. The fact that I’ve developed such comfort with being so skeevy creeps the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed crap outta me.
- Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and said if I don’t get off Facebook, he’d melt my brain. If that’s not a good enough reason to try to curb my habit, I don’t know what the Hell is.
Now, understand that my main goal is not to quit Facebook completely, but to curb the amount of time I spend there. I’d love if I could even get to the point where I only check it once a day. Once a day as compared to constantly being on there? Are you kidding me? That would be success beyond my wildest dreams. I know I’m gonna stumble and I gotta be willing to not sh*t on myself when I do. But if I can even get down to checking things once ever three or four hours for five or ten minutes instead of getting on and never leaving, I’d view that as a huge-ass epic win.
So, starting October 1st, I’m gonna give it one more try. Wish me luck. (Gulp…)